Confidence

After my birthday post, I got some questions about finding confidence, and I figured what better place to take a deep dive than right here on my blog.

First off, I think it’s important to say the confidence is a never ending battle and something to work on constantly. I know that sounds daunting, but it is completely manageable when you take it one day at time. Sometimes I think about things too far in advance and I get overwhelmed. When I think about doing something every day for forever… my brain thinks well shit, do I really want to commit to that?

For me, my confidence affects every aspect of my life; from my personal life, to my career, to how I see myself.

Oddly enough, for me, I really struggled with confidence during my time as Miss Colorado USA. Specifically, through my time up to returning home from Miss USA, which, in theory, is ‘supposed’ to be your most confident time. Prior to winning Miss Colorado USA, I didn’t care about anyone else’s opinion other than my own. I was very confident in who I was, and was very happy with who I was. After winning Miss Colorado USA, other opinions started to come into play. I had never been in a situation where I had to take feedback based on how I looked, talked, dressed, walked, etc. It was such a different situation than when I was preparing for Miss Colorado USA.

I didn’t really struggle with the emotional confidence because at my core, I knew my values, what I am willing to do and say, and what I refuse to sell my soul for. I knew I didn’t really fit the pageant mold, but that never bothered me.

However, I really struggled to navigate the external stuff I was told. Part of me was so excited because I had just won the title of Miss Colorado USA, and felt like I looked better than I had ever looked in my life….. But then, I’m being told things that other people wanted to change about the way I looked; which is so hard. I had never been someone who over-analyzed how they looked because I had always thought of myself as just me, and that was perfectly fine. Being critiqued on everything from my skin, to my teeth, to my hair color, to my hair length, to my collarbone (yes I said my collarbone)…. made me hyper aware of everything on my body, which in turn makes you realize you have a lot more flaws than you thought, at least, according to other people.

One specific example when I remember of thinking, WTF, I didn’t even know that was an issue, was when I was picking out my Miss USA gown in Austin. I wanted a super low cut gown, and was told that I probably shouldn’t because my sternum was too boney. I remember being baffled by that comment, especially because I won Miss Colorado USA in a super low cut gown.

If you saw my Miss USA gown, you know I ended up in a high necked gown, and my boney sternum was nowhere to be seen. I didn’t necessarily take that advice because of the sternum comment, it was more because of the budget. However, it was still something that I never expected to hear from anyone, and it sure wasn’t something I had ever worried about prior.

All of the outside commentary, even though I do believe at least 90% of what I was told had positive intent behind it, was difficult on my confidence. It also in a weird way, made me want validation from other people, which was something I never wanted before. It was almost like I was looking for one of those people to say something like, “Wow, Madison you look great!” or “Wow, we can really tell you listened to our advice and you’re going to kill it.” (I would like to mention none of those comments ever were made, or if they were it was in a group sense, and not a genuine comment.)

Thankfully, I was able to recognize almost immediately when outside opinions started affecting my confidence. I then knew how to work on my confidence and not let the negativity destroy it. The most important thing I did was journal, and I still do almost daily. I have written the same positive affirmations for years now, and continue to add to my affirmations as I continue to add to my goals. I write things like they have already happened, and I am already doing them. Then at some point when it does happen, I will feel the same because I’ve always believed it.

I also reminded myself, and still remind myself of one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite bloggers, “Other people’s opinion of me is none of my business.” - Lauryn Everts

Y’all that is the realest thing; if you don’t give a crap what other people think, your confidence cannot be harmed. I shut out the noise, got in my own lane with blinders on, and got back to working on myself for myself.

Another factor to confidence is self-awareness. I know my strengths and weaknesses, and I know what matters to me. It matters a lot more to me that you know how I am as person, the weird, the smart, the clumsy, the hard working, the loving……. than the external idea of finding me attractive.

I listen to so many positive podcasts and books that it helps me know everyone struggles with confidence at times, and how to push through it. I am a total book worm who reads almost every day, and have found so many books that help with confidence. (I’m planning on linking all of my books from the past year on my blog and Instagram here in the near future)

My last confidence finder is to write down all of the things you like about yourself, there’s so many great and unique things about everyone. No two people are the same, and there’s a reason for that…. we all have different traits and gifts….. thoughts, and purposes…. Our real confidence comes from deep inside and embracing who we truly are.

I’d also like to point out that going through challenging times with my confidence helped me develop into an even more complex person with a greater platform and passions that I may have not found otherwise. I am incredibly grateful and thankful for my year as Miss Colorado USA including the challenges along the way. I don’t think I could have asked for a better experience.

I hope this helps you if you’re struggling, and I’d love to hear some of your confidence tips.

XO,

Madison